Season 14 - Barba & Benson
by LovingMyDoctor
Summary: As a newly obsessed Barson-Fan, I have decided to write some Missing (Barson!) Scenes to each Episode Ràul (Barba) has starred in. Basically a collection of one-shots, centered around the two. Very friendshippy, can be read differently though too. Olivias POV!
1. Twenty-Five-Acts

** Twenty-Five Acts (15x03)  
**

* * *

_Barba: "You may not like me when we're done." _

Jocelyn_: "I don't like you now."_

_Barba: "Honesty. Good. Let's start with your dating life."_

* * *

"We find the defendant guilty."

He smiled and I found myself smiling back. This was not something I had expected. ADA Barba had been charming when we had first met, he had brought a smile to my face, but in court I hadn't been impressed, until the last two minutes.

Amanda and I both patted Jocelyns shoulder. She had made it. It was over.

Barba turned around and began shuffling his papers. His _Objection! _and _Move to strike!_ had been uttered quietly, as if he had been bored. I'd expected to lose this case.

_What excites you about having sex, with _Jocelyn_?_

I had not been the only one, who had shifted uncomfortably in her seat. What on earth had he been playing at? How could he have been so flamboyant, when we were so close to losing the case?

_As a regular Joe, I am curious about how this belt-around-the-neck-thing is exciting. I am sure, Your Honor that the Jury is curious as well._

And that's when I had known what he was doing, had understood the game he was playing and how he had been leading Adam Cain right into the trap. It had been genius. Outside the fresh air felt like an old, welcomed friend. The courtroom had been so stifling

"You told me I wouldn't like you when this was over. You were right." Jocelyn hugged herself, looking at us helplessly, "What do I do now? My reputation's..." She did not dare to end her sentence, but Barba stepped in, touching her arm lightly,

"Thing about America...this country loves a comeback." With one last encouraging smile he walked towards the waiting Reporters, "All right, guys. Just a few moments."

We watched him leave and when Jocelyn started to say goodbye, Amanda offered to take her home. She still had her hand on her shoulder,

"Let's get out of here."

I watched the two of them go with a small smile. Amanda had really changed and grown in this past year. She was no longer a rookie, maybe she never had been.

At her car the blonde detective turned around and raised her eyebrows at me questioningly. I nodded towards the new ADA and Amanda nodded with a sly grin, before escorting the victim away.

He had left the mob of reporters to Cains lawyer and I approached him slowly, as he stood at the end of the stairs.

"How's your throat?"

Barba turned around and I could see his green eyes were blazing with excitement,

"It's..._sore_." He rolled his eyes and chuckled and I found myself grinning too.

"But it was worth it."

It hadn't been a question, but he nodded anyway,

"Yes. Absolutely." He paused just for a moment, before he asked, "So. what do you think?"

"About what?"

"You've been working at SVU for fourteen years, Detective." I didn't ask how he knew this, "You've worked with a lot of ADAs, what do you think of me?"

I was taken aback by how direct he was and I realised that was one of tactics that made him so good. No one could be prepared for his questions.  
I honestly didn't know what to say and found myself smiling,

"I...I never met an ADA, who would be willing to get himself choked to win a case."

Barba smiled back. Maybe he could see right through me. Maybe he could tell that I felt like I could trust him. Maybe it was written over my face the last time I had immediately trusted and liked a man like this was a long time ago. In fact it had been fourteen years ago, when I'd first been introduced to Elliot Stabler. The longest relationship I'd ever had with a man. The one who always had my back.

"You haven't seen anything yet." Barba promised with a small wink and I shook my head, impressed by his confidence.

I had trusted Elliot and had been severely disappointed, when he had left. I knew to be cautious. But it had been a year and Barba...there was _something_ about him. Something that made me feel like I could trust him. He was sure of himself, witty and funny. I had liked him instantly

His phone rang and he pulled it out of his jacket pocket. After looking at it just for a short moment he put it away again,

"I'll see you around, Detective. It was a pleasure meeting you."

"You too, Counselor ."

When he left I watched him go with a smile. He had been right about Jocelyn not liking him anymore, once this was all over. And maybe Amanda too, but I did still like him. It was nice to trust somebody from the first moment onwards.

* * *

Reviews are very much appreciated. Chapter 2 is 'Friending Emily', the next episode where Barba appears.

I never thought I'd get over Stabler leaving, but then I completely fell for Barson *.* So happy with this ship! :)


	2. Friending Emily

**Friending Emily (15x06)**

* * *

_Barba: __All we have are the girls._

_Amanda: __Yeah._

_Barba: __Odds are, when he's through they go into drugs or prostitution. They're probably in the system. I'll issue warrants._

_Amanda: Warrants for what? They're all victims._

_Barba: You'll think of something. We've got to get Emily. Fast. These other girls, it's too late for them._

* * *

"You got plans for tonight?" Amanda smiled as she pressed the button for the ground floor.

"Oh, no, I'm wiped." I closed my eyes for a moment, "You?"

"Quiet night at home with my sister. We haven't really had the chance to catch up, so..."

"Yeah, I know." I opened my eyes again and looked at her with a sad smile. Because I did l know all about complicated families. Even if I didn't have a sister.

"There's a lot going on with her."

I knew Amanda wasn't weak, I probably knew it better than anyone else. I was like her and also was the strong one, who always took care of everything. "That can't be easy for you."

She nodded, "She likes to stir things up. Keeps her calm." There is a small pause and then she looks at me, "I can handle it, you know."

Oh I knew.

"Still, take care of yourself."

We parted then and as I walked to my car, I realised I wasn't ready to go home yet. I _was_ wiped, but I was also wound up.

Fin and John had gone out for a drink and I had declined, when they'd asked me to tag along. Now I really regretted it. I reached my car and began searching my purse for my car keys, but couldn't find them.

I rubbed my tired face, "Damnit!"

"Long day, Detective?" Barba sounded amused as he approached me.

"You wouldn't believe it."

He chuckled, "Actually, I think I would." He held out his hand and I saw something shining in them, "Are these your keys?"

"Yes." I sighed relieved, "I must have left them upstairs."

"On your desk." He nodded, "Cragen pointed them out to me."

"You spoke to Cragen?" I took the keys from him and when our hands touched I was surprised to find how soft his skin was.

"Yeah. I needed the reports and...wanted to introduce myself."

I suppressed a smile and tried to imagine how this meeting had gone and what my captain thought of our new sharply dressed ADA.

"Right. Well, thank you for my keys, I'm going home, so have a nice evening, Counselor."

"You're upset." He noticed, tilting his head to the side, looking at me closely.

"No I'm not." I tried to lie to him, but I failed. My voice shook and my hand gripped my keys so tightly it hurt.

"It was a good case. Emily was saved. Peter is going to jail for the rest of his life. It's over."

"I _know._" Oh how I wished he would just leave!

"Then what's wrong?"

I rubbed my forehead tiredly, "You made us treat victims like criminals today."

"Oh?" He raised his eyebrow questionably, "So...prostitution and drug abuse...those are not crimes?"

"Of course they are!" I snapped now.

"Well then, where is the problem?"

"You're new to SVU. You don't understand how it works, how to deal with victims. These girls are not criminals, they can't help how they turned out to be, it's not their fault!" My loud voice did not surprise or intimidate him,

"You're right. I'm new to SVU. Enlighten me, with your fourteen years of experience, do you think any of the four girls stood a chance? Did you not think that it was too late for them as well?"

I didn't answer.

"You're not angry with me for what I said, because you agree with me. Otherwise you would have said something back at my office."

I didn't say anything. He was right.

"We had to do all we could to find Emily. We saved her and we saved future victims from the same fate. I know the other girls are victims, I never would have gone after them."

I wished I hadn't said anything and had just driven home.

"Yeah I know, I'm not..._upset. _At least not with you." I nodded towards my car "I just need to get some sleep."

"Yeah, I hear you." I thought this conversation would be over and he would leave, but he stepped closer and whispered, "Besides, Detective Benson, you and I both know I cannot _make_ you do anything." He stepped back, straightened his blue tie and causally said "Good night, Detective."

"Good night, Counselor."

I watched him leave and long after he was gone, I was still staring at the spot where he had stood, looking out into the darkness.

* * *

Thanks for your reviews, let me know what you think. I also take requests for Barson fics/episodes. (Although to be fair, if I don't like them I won't use them :D).

_Friending Emily_ is not my favourite Barba-Episode from this season, but this scene is the one I enjoyed the most.


	3. Lessons Learned

**Lessons Learned (14x08)**

* * *

_Barba: Nice campus. As a kid growing up in the South Bronx going to Catholic school, I would've given anything to go here._

_Olivia: Smart guy like you couldn't get a scholarship?_

_Barba: Only kids they took from my neighbourhood were the athletes. With all due respect, this was a waste of time. I'm a prosecutor, not a healer._

_Olivia: All due respect, as a prosecutor don't you want to make a case? I know something criminal went on here. So do you._

* * *

There was a small silence between us as we drove past the grand campus of Manor Hill. Barba was the one to break it,

"Calhoun is one hell of a lawyer. She used to work in the Attorneys office actually."

I didn't answer. I wasn't exactly angry or upset with him. But what he had said offended me, because he didn't seem to see what it was all about.

"I don't understand."

"Well." He sounded amused, "She switched sides, it happens. Supposedly she wants to help a wider spread of people...but well all know its about the money."

"I'm not talking about Calhoun, Barba!" My voice was a bit sharper than I had intended it to be, "I don't understand why it is so hard for you to work on this case."

"First of all, there is no case." He paused, "Actually there is no second of all. That's all I have to say."

I stopped at a red traffic light and turned around to face him,

"These men were systematically abused for years. They had no help, no support, _no one_ who stood in their corner. It's..."

"It's green."

"_What?!_"

Just then a car beeped behind me and I realised he meant the traffic light. I lifted my hand apolitically at the driver behind me, before driving off.

"I know it's not what you usually fight for, but I thought that was your thing. Taking on difficult cases that everyone else would rather ignore. And it's high profile _and_ will get your name in the paper, what more do you want?"

Even though I was concentrating on the traffic in front of me I knew he was looking at me with that ironic one-eye-brow-raised-look.

"Do you know what I don't understand?" Instead of answering my question he merely raised one of his own, "Why this means so much to you. We can't put anyone away, we can't fight for justice. What's the point?"

I sighed deeply. This was a difficult question.

"If the victims can't experience justice, at the very least they should feel some closure. If we do nothing they won't even have the slightest chance of putting the abuse behind them and continuing with their lives." It was yet another red light, but this time I kept my gaze focused on it and my voice was hoarse when I spoke, "They _deserve_ this chance, Barba."

When I did look over at him briefly I could see that his jaw was tense and he wiped his hand across his mouth in a nervous way.

"Look." I continued, as the light shifted to green, "We can build a case against the school. We just need to keep digging. There will be more victims and there will be evidence. There were too many people involved for this to just have passed."

"You might be right." He finally said, when I pulled up into the parking lot at his office. We walked into the building quietly and I met the team in his office room by myself.

"Where's Barba?"

"He'll be here in a moment."

I had made a strong case in the car. We both knew it. He wanted to make this case now as well. He wanted to take on this fight.

The door opened and he came inside, "Their lawyer thinks we're on a fishing expedition? Let's go fishing."

I smiled and he smiled back.

* * *

"_For whatever it's worth, on behalf of Manor Hill Academy I apologize." _Mr. Forresters words were enough for me. I spotted Curt and Vincent in the front row and could see they were patting each others arms.

It was over.

I smiled at Barba and turned on the spot and walked outside of the large Hall. Nick would follow later on. I just needed some fresh air.

_I can get the indictment. I'll never get the conviction. But that was never really the point, was it?_

No it hadn't been the point. This case hadn't been about justice, but closure. I stood at the top of the beautiful campus. Now, at night-time, soft light from the street lamps were illuminating the place.

Usually cases didn't get to me so easily, but this particular one made me emotional. I could use some apologies too. Of course I could get closure without them, but Curts words were still haunting me.

_So abuse means never having to say you're sorry._

In the end it did, didn't it?

Lowell Harris hadn't apologised to me. Or to any other of his victims. My mother hadn't acknowledged her mistakes, hadn't said she was sorry. It wouldn't have made it better, the abuse would still have taken place. But it would have made a difference. It might have made the aftermath easier.

Manor Hills apology would help all those men, I was sure of it. They had a chance to let it go now and look into the future. I was happy about that and it was selfish of me to let my own past stand in the way of it. After all my mother had been dead for 12 years now and the Harris' assault happened five years ago. I was over it.

And yet, I wished for someone to fight for my closure, like I had fought for Curt, Vincent and the others.

"Enjoying the view, detective?"

I turned around to Barba with a smile, "Yeah."

He stood beside me in silence and I realised I hadn't been the only one to have fought for them. Barba noticed me staring at him and ran his fingers over his tie.

"What?"

"With all due respect, you came a long way, today Counselor."

He knew what I was playing at immediately and gave me a stern, yet satirical look,

"I am still not a healer, but a prosecutor."

"Yeah, but your part of the SVU-team now." I said these words with a smile, "You could have said no, but you continued to fight with us. Some may say, you continued to waste your time."

His smile was crooked and he lowered his gaze, before looking up at me again, "It wasn't a waste of time, something criminal went on _and_ I wanted to make a case."

"Yeah." I mocked him, "I mean it was very important for your case to come here tonight, wasn't it?"

He didn't answer and I too stared into the lights ahead of us, The silence between us was broken by Nick,

"Liv?" He called out softly, "You coming?"

"Good night, Counselor." I touched his arm lightly, causing him to look up at me in surprise, "Welcome to SVU."

* * *

Thank you for your kind reviews, they are very much appreciated! :)

This is my all-time favourite Barba-Episode and one of my favourite SVU-Episodes generally. It has so much tension and tragedy and Barba has a lot of great moments (eg. _"Loose the battle. Win the war."_) and lets not forget the guest appearance of Elliott Gould (aka. Monica and Ross' Dad from _friends_). Anyway, I believe there was some sort of conversation in the car ride from Manor Hill to the office and the second part is basically just an extended version of Barson-Scene that was in the end of the episode.


	4. Persumed Guilty

**Persumed Guilty (14x10)  
**

* * *

_A/N: Barba wasn't in this episode, but he was mentioned. I really wanted him at the Christmas Party. So, here it goes._

* * *

I watched as Amanda moved away from the man hitting on her, before I concentrated on Melinda again.

"So you working tomorrow?"

I took a sip from my drink, "We drew the short straw, but Christmas Eve, I'm off to the Bahamas."  
Now Melinda began to smile, "Mm. Good for you. With whom?"

I grinned, "A friend."

Now Melinda chuckled, but she knew better than to ask. I wasn't going to talk about my new relationship just yet. I still wanted to wait.

"Who is that?" She sounded interested and as I turned around, I spotted Barba talking happily with Fin. He was wearing a dark suit and a red tie and had a drink in his hand.

"That's our new ADA, Rafael Barba."

She eyed him a while longer, "Really? You didn't say he was smashing."

I rolled my eyes. Barba wasn't smashing. He was handsome and good at his job, but _smashing_ was a bit over the top.

"Melinda, you're a married woman."

Barba touched Fins arm and nodded once, before he made his way over to us.

"Well." Melinda nudged me gently with a grin, "You're not."

She left me alone and soon I found myself in the attorneys company,

"Detective." He nodded at me and I found myself smiling,

"Counselor. I'm surprised to see you here."

"Well, as I was informed I am now part of the team, so I ought to be here."

I didn't answer. Amanda was still helplessly trying to get away from the poor man, who obviously stood no chance with her and Fin was standing between them, a sly grin on his face. He seemed to be enjoying himself.

Barba followed my gaze and when he spoke his voice had a hint of sarcasm,

"Isn't Christmas lovely?"

"Absolutely."

We bumped our glasses together, as Amanda left to get a refill and the poor guy began telling her about how interesting and sexy a ride in a hearse could be. If she would just give it a try!

"So." He turned his attention back to me, "Amaro isn't here?"

"Oh no." I shook my head, "He's spending time with his daughter."

He'd been looking forward to Zara's visit for a long time now. He wouldn't be spending Christmas Eve with her and although he tried to hide it, I knew it made him sad.

"Are you...spending time with your family during Christmas?"

"No. I'm flying to the Bahamas, Christmas Eve."

And I also didn't really have a family to _spend_ Christmas with. Simon didn't want to see me any more and he was all that I'd had. But that was not something I was willing to share with our ADA.

"What about you?" I realised almost a moment too late that I'd forgotten to ask him in return what he would be doing.

"I'm going skiing in Gstaa. My flight leaves tomorrow morning."

"Oh, wow." I took a sip of my drink and fleetingly wondered who he was going with. But he'd been polite enough not to ask me and I decided to return the favour. Maybe he was going by himself.

"I didn't know you can ski."

"There's a lot about me, you don't know detective." He finished his drink and looked at me with a challenging look in his eyes, "Can you ski?"

"I _can_." It was clear by the look on his face and his tone that he thought I couldn't, "I'd just rather work on my tan, that's all."

Now he threw his head back and laughed a real genuine laugh.

"What?"

"I just..." He cleared his throat, "I have trouble imagining you at a beach in a bikini relaxed and not working."

I almost rolled my eyes, but merely retorted, "Well I have trouble picturing you in anything else but a suit and tie."

A grin spread out on his face at my words, "My snow-suit has suspenders!"

Now I did roll my eyes at his joke and he chuckled,

"I should get going, I haven't finished packing completely."

"Right. You need to pack all of your favourite ties."

"Quick-Witted." He smiled with a nod, "I like it."

"Have a nice Christmas, Barba."

"You too, Benson." He had a spark in his eyes, as he smiled at me one last time and then left the party.

A part of me wanted to ask him when he'd be back. I hoped it would be before me. That way I had something to look forward to, for when I returned.

* * *

Thank you for you reviews, they mean a lot to me. Hope you enjoyed this short scene.


	5. Beautiful Frame

**Beautiful Frame (14x11)  
**

* * *

_Barba: We're in business.  
Olivia: Are we?  
__Barba: Mm-hmm.  
__Olivia: Two trials at the same time? What if Suffolk County goes to jury before us?  
__Barba: Leave that for our esteemed appellate court.  
__Olivia: While Jessie rots in her jail cell - and Provo's out on bail.  
__Barba: Detective you think you can do this faster? Help yourself._

* * *

"She did it for her son."

Nick and I watched Jessie leave and I'm sure he too did it with a sinking heart. It wasn't fair that Provo wasn't being punished for the rape.

"Do you still wanna get a drink?"

"Yeah."

We walked in silence next to each other to Nicks car. There was nothing to say, we both knew it. Yet after a moments silence Nick said,

"It's so surreal. Provo is in jail and justice was served and at the same time..."

"And at the same time it wasn't." I finished his sentence, "Yeah. I know."

Barba had really put himself to work and I had complained, while he'd been doing all that he could. It hadn't been an easy case for him either.

"Where do you wanna go?" He began naming some bars and I realised I couldn't celebrate just yet.

"Actually...could you drop me off at Barbas office?"

Nick frowned, "Eh sure." He was obviously surprised, "But I gotta tell you, Liv. I'm not sure how much of a good idea that is. You have to be able to let go of work and-" He stopped mid sentence and looked at me with a shocked expression on his face.

"What?" I almost felt offended just by the look he was giving me.

"Is Barba your mystery guy?!"

I rolled my eyes, "_No_. That would be..._weird_ in the least."

"Should I wait for you?"

I shook my head. I didn't know how long this would take, "Good night, Nick."

"Night, Liv."

I had been upset and frustrated. Letting it out on Barba had been unfair. He deserved an apology. The light was still on in his office, but it was already empty. His secretary had left and I knocked onto his door gently, before pushing it open.

"Conselor?"

"Detective Benson." He sounded surprised, but continued to study the papers that were lying on his desk and didn't look up.

I suddenly found myself being nervous, which was ridiculous. This was Barba. There was no need to be nervous. I sat down in the chair opposite his desk.

"I uh..." For a moment I closed my eyes before opening them again, "I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have gone off at you like that. You were doing everything you could and I'm sorry."

When he looked up at me with his green eyes I expected a sarcastic remark or a joke. However he threw me completely off guard by simply asking,

"How was your trip?"

I needed a second to gather myself before answering, "Great, how was yours?"

"Interesting." The ADA began shuffling the papers he had been studying and put them aside, "It was a vacation that was _long_ due."

"Yeah." I smiled, "I could need one now again after this case."

Barba laughed softly and I could tell he wasn't angry with me, "I think Ms. James needs one the most." He sighed, "The internal investigation has already begun."

"It's horrible, when it's one of your own." I agreed. Just then my phone rang and I saw it was a message from Brian,

_My thaifood and I are waiting for you ;-)_  
I smiled and knew there was a traitorous blush creeping into my face. The phone was quickly put away.

"I should get going."

Barba had seen right through me, "Oh yes, the Mystery-Man." He smiled, but I couldn't read the mood behind it, "I've heard."

I sighed deeply, "You'd think police officers wouldn't gossip what with all the work we need to get done."

"Yes. It's ridiculous." He paused for a moment, before asking: "So, who is he?"

I rolled my eyes, but then gave in, "I used to work with him."

His mouth fell open, "Is it you fo-"

"_It's not my former partner!"_

He raised his right eyebrow questioningly at my outburst and I sighed deeply,

"Sorry. That's a sore spot." I ran my hand through my hair, "And there _have_ been a lot of questions about him lately..."

"I will ask no more."

"Thank you."

"Is it Amaro?"

I rolled my eyes once more, but knew he was joking.

"Or Fin? Munch?" He frowned, "It's not Cragen, is it?"

I found myself laughing at his guesses, "I _used _to work with him, Barba." My phone vibrated in my pocket once more, "I really should get going. Good night, Counselor."

"Good night, Detective."

I was at the door, when he held me back,

"Thank you. For stopping by."

When I turned around to face him I was smiling. I knew he was grateful I had apologized and I was relieved I had done it too,

"You're welcome."

* * *

I was so close to writing an argument-scene between the two of them, because I really do think Olivia was being unfair towards Barba in the quoted scene. But I think Barba is calmer and more patient than I give him credit for. As always, thank you for your reviews and please tell me what you think.


	6. Criminal Hatred

**Criminal Hatred (14x12)  
**

* * *

_Olivia: Hello.  
Barba: How did you find me?  
__Olivia: Well, I'm a trained detective. Plus I could smell the scotch. No luck on the female victims.  
__Barba: Mm-hm.  
__Olivia: We tracked down a woman who basically invited Jones to steal from her, and he declined.  
__Barba: You say that like it's bad news.  
__Olivia: Uh, you were looking for other charges to bump up the sentence, remember?  
__Barba: Mm-hm. I think you just brought me one. Sit. Drink. Smile.  
__Olivia: Cabernet, please. Why?  
__Barba: Jones walked away from a woman he could have robbed.  
__Olivia: Yeah.  
__Barba: That means he only goes after gay men.  
__Olivia: We kind of figured that, didn't we?  
__Barba: Yeah, but now we know it. Now we can prove it. That makes everything he's done a hate crime.  
__Olivia: What?  
__Barba: I use the hate crime statute, all the penalties get bumped up. I can put Jones away for extra years.  
__Olivia: You're gonna argue that a gay man married to another gay man hates gays?  
__Barba: Watch me.  
_

* * *

"You were wrong about him." Efron sighed, "He doesn't just hate gays."

"He hates everyone." I understood.

"He hates himself." Barba's voice was tight, as we watched Mr. Jones be led out of the courtroom.

"Good job, Counselor." I said with a smile, "You got him."

"What...what's going to happen to him now?" Masons high-picthed voice was shaking, "Is he going to jail for a long time?"

"He murdered a man, Mason." Barba's voice was cold, "I'm going to request the maximum."

Mason looked taken aback and tears shimmered in his eyes,

"I...I thought he loved me. I really...I really did."

I wasn't sure if he meant he had really believed him or if he had really loved his husband. Probably both.

Mason said no more and left with a sad face. The four of us watched him go in silence.

"Anyone up for a drink?" Fin asked and I sighed, relieved as I felt the tension between all of us diffuse.

"I have nothing to celebrate!" Efron seemed to have caught her guard again and walked away with her head held high.

"Yeah." Barba sighed, closing his eyes for a brief second, "I could use a drink, Benson?"

"Eh...rain-check? I kind of already have plans." This time Barba didn't tease me about the 'mystery man' and neither did Fin.

Outside the courthouse I ran into Efron, who was muttering under her breath, "I always forget something!" as she hurried inside the courtroom. She really was something. I was sure the others had been surprised at how she had turned the case around for herself as well.

Brian and I were going to meet for drinks and I just wasn't ready to have him out with the others just yet. I wanted to tell him all about this case, it had been so intense and difficult I was sure it would interest him.

Just as I'd reached our local bar my phone vibrated in my pocket and I saw that it was a message from Brian,

_Sorry Babe, got caught up :-( see you tomorrow?_

_Ok._

It wasn't ok, not really, but I knew Brian couldn't help it. If he could, he would be spending the evening with me. As I was about to hail a cab I decided to take on Fins offer and called him. He and Barba were on the other side of the city and it was raining. It was almost a hour later when I entered the bar.

"Hey girl." Fin smiled, patting the seat next to him in the booth so I could sit down, "Mystery Man stood you up?"

"Yeah, kind of." I smiled weakly and he stood up,

"I'll get you a beer."

"Thanks, Fin."

I closed my eyes with a sigh. After cases like these I was exhilarated and exhausted at the same time. It was hard.

"Don't worry, Liv." Fin sat down next to me again and I opened my eyes with a smile as he handed me my beer, "I think Barba got it worse than you tonight."

Just as I was about to ask him what he meant our ADA slouched down into the booth in front of us with a deeply heaved sigh.

"What happened to you?"

Fin was chuckling beside me and I looked between the two men in a confused manner, "What's going on?"

"Tell her Counselor – she can use some entertainment."

Barba raised his eyebrow in an annoyed way and then finally said,

"Efron hit on me."

It was his defeated and almost ashamed tone that caused me to burst out in laughter and Fin roared with laughter beside me.

"I need another drink." Barba groaned.

"What did she say?!"

"This is humiliating enough already." He grumbled, "I shouldn't have said anything." He looked up from his glass with a glare, "I didn't know Tutuola was such a tattle-tale."

"Oh you have no idea!" I laughed.

"I'm glad you're laughing again." Fin chuckled beside me, emptying his drink, "I need to call it a night, you guys."

We said our goodbyes and he left. As I watched our ADA swirl his scotch in his glass with a sad look I couldn't help giggling.

"You look so sad."

"It was just _so_ awkward."

I had so many questions and so many things to tease him with but I could tell he truly _did_ feel uncomfortable in this situation, so I decided to change the topic to do him a favour.

"Would you really cross-examine a priest?"

Now he smiled, "I already have." Of course he had. "It didn't get me very far though, he wasn't a big help."

There was a silence between before he asked,

"I thought you had plans tonight?"

"Something came up." I drank a sip of my beer, "I could have gone home, but some cases...when there's unresolved business it's hard to stop thinking about it."

"What's left unresolved?"

I wondered if I had offended him, because it was his job to bring all the aspects of a case out into the open, but once I explained, his features relaxed,

"Well there's Mason, who's husband not only _cheated_ on him, but also turned out to be a murderer. It's just so sad."

"Mason will get over it." He said this with such certainty that it was me who raised my eyebrow questioningly now, "I just mean...odds are their marriage wasn't as perfect as he was making it out to be, with time he'll come to realise that Jones wasn't the one for him anyway and he'll find someone new. Case closed."

It was that directness and his being structured that made him perfect for SVU. Most of us thought too much of the aftermaths, got stuck up in details, but for Barba everything was clear.

"What?" He noticed me staring at him and because I didn't want to tell him what I'd been thinking I grinned,

"Was she very sad when you blew her off?"

"Oh for the love of..." Something suddenly lit up in his green eyes, and he leaned forward, staring into my eyes, "You tell me who your Mystery-Man is and I'll tell you every single detail you want to know." The way he was looking at me I knew he would truly tell me everything I wanted to hear about.

"No." I sat back, crossing my arms, "That's not worth it."

"Excuse me?!" He feigned being outraged, "This is my _love_-life we are talking about, you won't get another chance to get this many details."

I had to laugh, "Don't flatter yourself, Counselor. I'm not that interested in _your_ love-life as you are in mine."

"I'm only interested in yours because it follows me everywhere I go." He lowered his voice, "Did you know that some people are saying _I'm_ your new guy? They call us Barson!"

Now I was the one to lean forward, "Who said it was a guy?"

His green eyes grew large in surprise, but then he tilted his head to the side, studied me for a moment and simply said,

"No."

"_Excuse me?!_" My outrage was _not_ feigned.

"I'm just not seeing it, you're obviously completely straight."

"I'm com- _how__ would you even know that?!_ You just look at people and know their sexual preferences? You're a fortune-teller now?!"

"Ok. A. Fortune-tellers work differently than that." I almost groaned in frustration, this man was _such_ a know-it-all, "And B. I don't look at people, I look at you. I know you and I can tell you're into men and not women."

He _was_ looking at me and I suddenly felt very warm. Was I flirting with him? Were we crossing a line here?

"I could be a lesbian, you don't know me that well." I took my beer and leaned back in my booth once more.

Barba began to laugh now, "_Why_ are you so offended by this?"

"_Because...!_" I had no answer. The truth was, I had changed. A few years ago people did get a gay vibe off me because I had been married to the job. It had meant everything to me...

"Are you saying you are a lesbian?" Barba was confused, "Come on, I thought I was good at reading people!"

"You are." I smiled, twisting the bottle in my hands, not able to look him in the eye as I quietly realised, "You see me."

The thing was...after Elliot had left, I had changed. So, the question remained for myself, had I been loyal and loving towards the job? Or towards him? I couldn't think about this now.

"For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure there were rumours about you and Alexandra Cabot."

What did it matter? Elliot was gone.

"You're just saying that to cheer me up."

"Is it working?" He smiled and I smiled back,

"Yeah."

I could have continued all night, could have teased him about Efron and tried to find out more about him.

But I didn't want to cross a line. Not with him. Not like this. Not while I was seeing Brian, who completed me in ways I would never even have thought possible. I finished my beer and stood up,

"Can I leave you here? Or do you think more scary lawyers will come and hit on you?"

"Well, who can blame them?" He joked with a cocky smile, "Don't worry Detective I'll be fine."

"Good night, Barba."

"Get home safe, Benson."

When I left the bar there was a smile on my face and a blush in my cheeks that hadn't been there before. And I was sure it had nothing to do with the alcohol I had consumed.

* * *

I had _so_ much fun writing this. I hope you enjoyed it as well. Please tell me what you thought about this one! Thank you for each comment, they mean a lot to me.

Criminal Hatred is one of my favourite SVU-epsiodes. Barba is amazing in it. The scene where he say's he'd cross-examine the priest he is walking to the Courthouse with Olivia and Nick, but near the end of it, Nick is being completely ignored by both of them and it's clear it's just really a discussion between the two of them. The two of them compliment each other in ways that are just fascinating and beautiful to watch and work with.

Also, I am a recovering E/O-Shipper. There will be a lot of Elliot-Shadows in my one-shots, because I don't think Olivia has gotten over him leaving her the way he did just yet. But she is getting there and Barba is helping.

Sorry for the long Authors Note. So. Sit, drink, smile you guys :)

And review :D


	7. Secrets Exhumed

**Secrets Exhumed (14x14)  
**

* * *

_Dana to Olivia: Would you please tell him that I could never do something like that?_

_I am just like you. I have dedicated my entire life to justice and to doing good in the world. You know me!  
_

* * *

"Are you OK?"

I hadn't seen him since that night in the bar and had almost dreaded seeing him again, but in that moment I was so glad it was Barba who had found me sitting on the outside steps of the precinct.

"No."

He sat down beside me, a coffee-cup in his hands. Every time I saw this man he was eating snacks or drinking coffee. I had no idea how he managed to stay so slim.

"I've got to tell you, Detective you sure know how to pick 'em."

A sad smile appeared on my face, "Yeah." I looked up at him, "What are you doing here anyway? This isn't your case."

"I had some paperwork to follow up on." He spoke in a soothing voice which irritated me. I didn't need his pity.

"Does everyone at your office know?"

Barba nodded with a sad look in his eyes, "These kind of news travel fast."

These kind of news. A dedicated FBI-agent turned out to be a murderer and was brought to trail 25 years later.

Although I didn't want him to pity me, I found myself opening up to him,

"I've known her for years, she was the closet thing I've ever had to a best girlfriend." My voice shook, "We were so alike."

I remembered her words exactly. _I am just like you. _

"How come?"

I sighed, "Dedicated to the job 100 percent, now it turns out she was just trying to make amends."

"I'm sorry."

"She was so...so _good_, I'd never thought she'd had it in her. That she'd be able to murder somebody...it just makes you wonder, you know?"

"No." He said honestly, "No, I mean you're not wondering about what _you'd_ be capable of, are you?"

I didn't answer and he slid closer to me,

"Just because you have something in common with a murderer, doesn't mean you're capable of ending another persons life. I am very sure you would never be able to do that."

"No matter the circumstances?"

Dana had been hurt. She had been used and was upset. If that was enough to send her over the edge, I didn't know what could trigger me. She had always been the stronger one of us.

"Yes." Barba was sure, "You're not a murderer, Detective. Don't waste your thoughts on it for another minute."

"Thanks."

There was a silence between us as he continued to drink his coffee,

"I'm going to visit her in prison, you know, and be there for her, like she would be for me." I was surprised to find his hand on my shoulder and when I turned to look at him our faces were just inches apart,

"Don't overburden yourself with this. It's not your job to save her."

It was too late for that.

I nodded and he took his hand away, moving up a bit again, "We can go out for some drinks, if you like. I won't be long."

"Thanks, but...my mystery-man is picking me up, so..."

"I understand." He stood up to leave, "I'll see you later."

"Thanks for...being there."

"You're welcome." I watched him leave and stared out into the loud city before me. I hadn't felt this lonely in a long time.

* * *

Barba wasn't actually in this episode, but it's such an important one for Olivia that I decided to write a small scene anyway. It's a bit different than the rest, so tell me what you think. Thanks for all your reviews. 


	8. Funny Valentine

** Funny Valentine (14x16)  
**

* * *

_Barba: You ever been in love like that?  
_

_Olivia: Like the guy kills somebody in front of me, but he sends me flowers so I let it slide? That's not love, that's brainwashing.  
_

_Barba: [Sighs] Yeah, I know, but she thinks she's in love. 11Th grade. Lauren Sullivan. She could have massacred my entire family. I would've looked the other way.  
_

_Olivia: 11th grade. You were 17_

_Barba: Micha's 19._

* * *

"_Authorities say it's too early to determine the cause of death, but there were reports that the couple had been heard arguing earlier today.  
Micha's fairytale ascent began ten years ago when a home video of her singing found its way to legendary music producer John Brass"_

The inevitable _had_ happened and the loud squad-room had fallen utterly silent. For a moment it seemed like the world had stopped.

But if it did so, then the world merely rested a moment and then continued its restless journey.

Munch, being in charge, had sensed that sending us home would have been useless and so we went to a nearby bar and raised our glasses to Micha.

Everyone had a sad look in their eyes, but no one had any words. We didn't discuss the case, didn't ponder on whether Caleb would finally be stopped or not.

None of it mattered at that moment.

Of course we wanted Caleb to be punished, but that evening we were mourning the loss of Micha.

It was Amanda, who broke the silence and Fin, who loosened the tension by mocking her. Pretty soon the evening turned into a normal one and the heavy silence that had lain upon all of us was beginning to fade.

I was the first one to leave and was just stepping out into the night, when a familiar voice called out,

"Detective."

"Counselor." I turned around with a smile on my face, "Are you stalking me now?"

"Let me walk you home." His tone had a begging ring to it and I understood he wasn't offering to bring me home safely, he wanted to talk to me.

"Will you buy me a cup of coffee?"

Now a smile appeared on his tired face, but the sadness did not move from his eyes, "Sure."

We walked in silence until the nearest coffee stand. He didn't ask me how I liked it. By now he knew.

"It didn't have to happen." I said as we made our way through the city, "It shouldn't have happened."

"We tried to stop it." He spoke softly, "We did all we could. She was the one who brought this upon her, not us."

"Don't say that." I sighed.

"I don't mean she's to blame for being abused." His reply came quickly, "But we warned her, you told her more than once that it would only ever get worse, yet she decided to be with him. It was out of our hands from that moment on."

"I know, I don't feel guilty or anything." I took a sip of my coffee and grimaced when I burned my tongue.

"Good."

"It still shouldn't have happened though."

The ADA didn't answer as we walked through the loud city. I wondered if he expected me to invite him up to my apartment. And then I suddenly remembered the state I had left it in this morning. I really had to do the dishes and pick up the dirty laundry from the floor...

"This isn't over. Caleb will be going away for murder. At least he'll never be able to hurt anyone again."

I knew what he was doing, but I couldn't talk about Caleb and Micha any longer. There was just no point left.

"What happened to Lauren Sullivan?"

Barba laughed now, before he took a sip of his coffee and then said,

"I'm not sure."

"I can track her down if you like." I nudged his arm gently with my elbow, "As you know I'm a trained detective."

He was still grinning, when he replied, "No that won't be necessary. We broke up when we left school and she went to Chicago, I think she got married there pretty quickly and that was it."

That was it. One moment he would have massacred his entire family for her and the next it was over and that was it.

"Did you ever see her again?"

"No, but...you know I never _tried_. She moved away and our paths never crossed again. It's not like I'm still pining for her."

"Do you think Caleb is pining for Micha?" Although I had been the one who had wanted to change the subject I found myself coming back to the tragic couple.

"I hope so." He had a stern look on his face, "I hope it eats him alive."

"Yeah." When I smiled it was humourless, "Yeah, so do I."

I drank the last sup of my coffee and when we continued to walk, we walked in silence. He was one of the those people I could walk beside without having to say anything. It was so easy. It was nice. In fact it was so easy I knew I could have invited him to come up to my flat. It wouldn't have been awkward.

However, when we reached my apartment complex he said,

"Goodnight, Detective."

"Thanks for walking me home, Counselor."

"You're welcome." When he smiled at me it reached his eyes and I could see his initial sadness over the turnout of this case had vanished. Mine had too.

* * *

Sorry this took so long, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please tell me what you think :)


	9. Undercover Blue

** Undercover Blue (14x17)**

* * *

_Barba: Plus, Heather has described in great detail a scar on Cassidy's inner thigh. I'm getting a warrant for a physical examination.  
__Olivia: Well, save yourself the trouble. Uh, his left inner thigh, um Cassidy was knifed by a drunk when he was a rookie. That's the other thing that I wanted to talk to you about.  
__Barba: Ah. Current relationship or past?  
__Olivia: Both. With a 13-year gap.  
__Barba: So you're not entirely objective.  
__Olivia: That's not true.  
_

* * *

"No!" I laughed, covering my face with my hands, "No, that is not true!"

"It is!" Brian was shaking with laughter in front me, "I'm telling ya: I honestly thought Stabler was gay and you were the only one who knew."

I was already wiping away tears of laughter, but Brian continued,

"And then I realised you knew that I knew and that's why you didn't want to be with me, because you were scared it would blow his cover."

"Oh, you're killing me Cassidy!" I gasped for air during my laughter. Not once in my twelve-year-partnership with Elliot had I ever thought he could have been gay.

"Yeah, I guess I wasn't handling your rejection all too well and tried to work through it like that." With a smile I leaned in and let my foot slide up his leg slowly.

"How about we drive home and I make it up to you?"

A mishievous grin spread across his face, but then it turned into a frown, and he sighed: "Oh, that's just terrific."

I turned around at his sarcastic comment and saw ADA Barba had entered the bar. I had to smile as I turned back to Brian.

"I know you like him." He muttered, "But I cannot sit through an evening with this guy. Please."

"It's ok." I quickly said, "I just want to talk to him for a moment, ok? Then we can leave, you can already go and hail a cab."

Brian smiled grimly, but then stood up. He knew this was important to me, even if I myself couldn't exactly understand why.

"Counselor." He turned around when he heard my voice, he was sitting at the bar.

"Detective."

"Can I take a seat?"

"Sure. Where's Cassidy?"

"He's...uh hailing a cab." It was so clear that Brian wasn't comfortable around Barba, but the ADA didn't seem to mind this fact or he just chose to ignore it, which I was very grateful for.

"I..." I hated how I was so nervous and at loss for words around him. Just because he always knew what to say he had that effect on me, "I wanted to say thank you." I finally managed to say.

"You're...welcome?" He looked up from his drink, a spark of amusement in his green eyes, "Although I am not entirely sure what you are thanking me for, I am sure it was my pleasure."

I rolled my eyes at his comment. Ironically enough this was a habit, I had picked up from him.

"You didn't make a big deal out the news of me and Brian. You kept your opinion to yourself and.." I had to choose my next words wisely, I didn't want to make Nick out to be the bad guy, "And not everyone reacted that way, so thank you."

"You're welcome." This time his tone was softer and more serious, there was a pause, before he asked with a crooked smile, "I was in the office though and we were at work, so I had to act professional, would you like to know my opinion now?"

"I should go. I haven't got that much ti-"

But Barba didn't seem to care, "I don't know him well, but he doesn't seem to be the brightest person around, does he?"

And even though he _was_ insulting my boyfriend I found myself laughing, because his words were so spot on.

"That's not what matters though, is it?"

He didn't answer but sipped at his drink, trying to hide his grin. He was happy about the fact that I'd laughed at his comment, I could tell.

"So, a thirteen year gap?" He asked now, "That's quite unique."

I nodded, but didn't answer to this. He didn't need to know that our 'past relationship' concluded out of a one-night-stand.

"I should go, goodnight, Conselor." Before I could stand up, however he had thrown his next question at me,

"Does he make you happy, Detective?"

Nick hadn't asked me that.

"Yes, very."

"Then why care about how everyone else reacts?"

He was right of course. But ADA Rafael Barba was used to being right and did not need any confirmation from me.

"Thank you."

"You keep on saying that."

"I should go."

"And you also keep on saying that." The amusement of this situation was written all over his face and in his tone and I couldn't help myself,

"The longer I sit here, the more women miss out on their chance of hitting on you. And you never know when Efron might make another move."

He groaned and covered his face with his hand, crying out dramatically, "I never should have told you that!"

A small laugh escaped my lips, as I watched him take his hand away and empty his drink. He was so uncomplicated and direct, a part of me wanted to be that way too. I was about to make my next attempt to leave, when he suddenly spoke once more, now fully serious again:

"You know, despite the circumstances...I'm glad the secrets out."

"Yeah." I smiled, sliding of the barstool, ready to leave now "Me too."

* * *

This was by far the most challenging chapter. I had a lot of trouble figuring out how Barba would react to Brian, because he barely reacted at _all_ in the scene when Olivia told him. However I'm happy with how this turned out and hope you are too, please let me now what you think!  
Thank you for all your reviews, they make me smile :)


	10. Legitimate Rape

** Legitimate Rape (14x18)  
**

* * *

_Purcell; But all the, what, hundreds of others- if you thought they were guilty, they were. Men, they're all rapists, right?  
__Barba: Objection, argumentative and ridiculous.  
__Judge: Sustained.  
__Purcell: Do you hate men?  
__Barba: - Objection.  
__Purcell: When was the last time you were in a relationship?  
__Barba: [Laughing] Objection!  
__Judge: Sustained.  
__Purcell: Detective How often have you seen an actual rape victim become pregnant and decide to keep the baby?  
__Olivia: It happens.  
__Purcell: Like convicting innocent men happens._

* * *

"What happened?"

Although an entire evening had passed since I had spoken to Nick about my parentage I knew exactly what he was asking. We were two of last ones in the squad-room, since Cragen had left to speak with Calhoun. 1PP would be watching us closely and making sure we had nothing to do with Averys and Theos disappearance. We were supposed to be writing our reports, but I knew he couldn't concentrate either.

"My mother was raped by a man called Joseph Hollister when she was a young woman. Six years after her death I...found out I had a brother and...and that's how I found him. He had already been dead. Suicide."

"When did she tell you?"

"When I was old enough." I drank a sip of the coffee standing on my table, it was already cold, "Things suddenly began to make sense. About how she'd always treated me." I had wanted to say how she had always _hated_ me, but that had seemed too dramatic.

"It's not exactly a secret...I'm not ashamed of it or anything, but...could you keep this to yourself?"

"Of course." He nodded once and then gave me a stern look, "Whatever you do, don't tell Barba."

"Don't tell Barba what?" Just in the right moment our ADA had entered our squad-room and looked at us expectantly.

"That I hate suspenders." I joked.

"Please." He rolled his eyes, "Nobody hates suspenders."

I was glad he hadn't pressed the matter any further. It was hard for me to lie to him.

"Is Cragen still in?"

"No, he left about an hour ago." Nick answered, looking at his computer screen. An hour ago? Where had the time gone? "Is there something we can help you with?"

"You could tell me where Avery is."

I froze in my seat and began to feel numb. Nick didn't even flinch.

"We don't know that and neither does Cragen."

I continued to look at the papers in front of me intently.

"Good. I do not need to tell you how being part of her disappearance is a crime?"

"No." I looked up now, "We're good here, Conselor."

He met my gaze and then said, "For what it's worth, I'm glad Avery got out."

"Yeah." I drank from my cold coffee once more, ignoring the bitter taste in my mouth, "I think everyone is."

He left then, probably to drop of some papers for Cragen and I turned to Nick, who wasted no time whispering, "It's better if he doesn't know, he will tell 1PP and they will start asking questions."

"I _know_." I tried to speak soothingly, but failed to do so. What did Nick think of me? I had my emotions under control, I wasn't going to pour my heart out to our ADA, "I won't say anything."

Besides I didn't want to drag him into this. I had helped Avery escape, I felt no regret. It was just painful to see a mother love her child of rape and to see it was possible.

Even if I hadn't experienced it.

"Do you want some more coffee?" Nick suddenly asked, looking up from his computer.

I was tired and needed caffeine, but it was like my body had taken on a life of its own, as I shook my head and stood up to walk up to Barba.

He was engaged in a conversation with a young police officer and while I couldn't hear what they were talking about, I could see he wasn't exactly enjoying his company.

"Conselor." I stepped towards them boldly, interrupting the young man, "Could you...uh...take me home?"

I saw the surprise flicker in his eyes, but it lasted only a moment, "Sure. I'll be right there."

"Thank you."

When I returned to my desk to get my jacket Nick was frowning, "Are you leaving?"

"Barba's taking me home."

He raised his eyebrows questioningly, but didn't comment on this fact.

"I won't tell him anything." I promised, "I just need to get home and sleep that's all."

"I would have taken you."

Of course he would have, I knew that. But I wanted to drive home with Barba for reasons I didn't even understand myself.

"Detective." He stood behind me suddenly, "Are you ready?"

"Yes." I walked to Nick and put my hand on his shoulder, "Good night, Nick. Be safe."

"You too." He reached up to pat my hand and when Barba and I left the squad room I felt more relieved than I had in a long time.

"So." He spoke once we were safely inside his car, "Do you want to go home or somehwere else?"

A bar sounded perfect. We could drink and tease each other and laugh. But I was so tired and vulnerable I knew alcohol was the worst idea that had come to my mind that evening. And I had just helped commit a crime.

"Home, please."

He started the car then and as we drove through the night, which was full of bright lights he gently asked,

"Are you ok, Detective?"

"No." It was almost ridiculous how easy it was to admit this to him. Even Elliot, who had been my best friend, had usually only received the answer 'I'm fine'.

Barba didn't ponder on this fact and I found myself sighing, "I miss my mother. She died twelve years ago."

"I'm sorry."

I understood everything so much better now. I wanted to tell her that. She had abused me emotionally and that wasn't ok, but it made sense. I knew she had done the best she could and I loved her more for that than I had ever told her. And I wished I had. I wished she could have seen me now, seen how much I had learned and how much I had grown.

"Mr. Barba." He was speaking in a high-pitched tone, "I would _love_ to find out, if that quick-witted tongue of yours knows its way around a woman's body as well as it does in the courtroom." He paused and then he spoke in his normal voice again, "This is precisely how Efron hit on me that night in the bar."

I burst out in laughter, doubling over and gasping for air, "That's amazing!"

"I thought it might cheer you up." He grumbled, "Just don't tell anyone."

"Who would believe me?!"

Now he began to laugh as well and the car was filled with the sounds of our laughter, which made no sense at all, considering the circumstances, but maybe that was all I had needed: Something that made no sense, something meaningless, which could make me to laugh for hours and for whatever reason Barba was the one who was able to give me just that.

However when he pulled up beside my apartment-complex our laughter had faded and we stared out at the night in silence.

"Detective." He finally broke the silence, "I know about your mother. I know you are a child of rape."

I didn't ask him how he knew this, "I didn't help Avery escape, I swear."

"I know." He said quickly, "I never thought you had."

I couldn't tell if he really did believe I was innocent. Legally I was not, I knew this and Cragen knew it as well. I had informed her what the consequences of her actions would be, I hadn't packed her bags, nor had I driven her to where she had to go. I had merely given her three hours time to run. Those three hours had been some of the longest of my life. It had been painfully obvious what the right thing was to do, even if it meant risking my job, facing kidnapping charges. Theo would grow up in peace far away from the rapist, who had fathered him. Avery had done the right thing.

"Am I in trouble?" My voice was barely a whisper and Barba leaned closer, touching my arm lightly.

"No. Purcell doesn't know about your parentage and I'm not sure if 1PP does, but even if they did I don't think they'd make the connection. You're safe."

And just like that I stopped worrying. If Barba said I was safe, then I knew I truly was.

"You left her and then she fled. It's not your mistake or your fault."

"Thank you, Conselor." I sighed, letting the unbuckled seat belt slide through my fingers, "For taking me home and...being in my corner." For making me laugh, for taking off the pressure. For letting me feel safe.

"You're very welcome, Detective."

* * *

Hey guys! So, I was really stuck on this one, because I just could not make up my mind if Olivia tells Barba about her past or not. Because it seemed like a really stupid idea to tell him (he would know of her involvement and would do the right thing by going to 1PP) I decided to let him already know. It's sill slightly OOC for him to not have thought she had something to do with Averys disappearance, but on the other hand he doesn't know Olivia all to well yet.

Also, from now on I will replying to your reviews, I've realised I always ask you to leave a comment, but never answer or tell you what I think, so from now on I'll be doing that :)

And last, I'm running out of ideas WHERE Liv and Barba can have their scenes, in a car, bar or office seems to be all I can come up with, so if you any suggestions please let me know via review or private message.

Thank you for all your messages and reviews so far, please tell me what you think! :) 3


	11. Girl Dishonored

**11\. Girl Dishonored (14x20)**

* * *

_Olivia: What's your gut on the jury?  
__Barba: They believed the girls.  
__Olivia:Well, that's the easy part, isn't it? Now comes the fun part.  
__Barba: By now, the school should be in a frenzy.  
__Barba: Emergency meetings, covering up evidence.  
__Olivia:You mean you're smelling the blood in the water.  
__Barba: Aren't you?_

* * *

"So, how's Rollins?" Nick asked, as he sat down in the booth in front of me. We had come here and decided to make a toast in Lindsays memory.

"She's...she'll be ok." I finally said. I knew better than to lie about the matter. A young girl had ended her life and Amanda felt like it had been her fault. She wasn't OK.  
"And you?"

Now that Nick knew of my mothers rape, he knew how on-campus-rapes reminded of her.

"I'm OK."

And I was.

Despite everything I was glad about the outcome. Not Lindsays death, obviously, but Renee's new chance at continuing to live her life. Her story was such a good one, it was exemplary. She had fought and won, she had spoken and had been heard. It made me proud and even if a young woman had ended her life, Renee's happy ending made me hopeful.

"Oh look who's here."

I turned around at his annoyed sigh and saw our ADA walk inside the bar Nick and I were sitting in.

I smiled at Barba before turning back to my partner,

"Why do you hate Barba?"

"I don't _hate_ him." He corrected immediately, "I just don't like him that much – that's all."

"But why?"

Nick opened his mouth to speak and then gestured helplessly, when no sounds escaped his mouth. I raised my eyebrows now. Him not answering this question led me to believe that his reasoning was childish.

"Detectives." Barba stood next to our booth and Nick moved to let the well-dressed man sit beside him.

"So Counselor." I grinned, "I have one question for you, concerning this case."

He raised his eyebrow in a questioning and simultaneously challenging way, but made no comment.

"Were you ever in a fraternity?"

Barba laughed now, sitting back in the booth clearly relaxed, "What happens in Harvard stays in Harvard, Detective."

"Oh come on!" I leaned forward, "You know I will figure it out eventually."

"Hmm." He tried to sound uninterested, "What with your great detective skills, there is no point in my keeping secrets is there?"

"Not really no."

Just then his cellphone rang and he looked at it for a moment, before saying: "I'll need to take this outside."

"Is Efron asking about your tongue again?"

He shot me an angry glare and shook his head, before heading outside and I grinned, as I drank from my wine.

"You two have your own jokes now?" Nick asked, as he turned the empty beer bottle in his hand. He did not sound amused.

"Yeah."

"Will you be ok on your own?" He asked now, "I'm really tired, I just want to call it a night."

"Sure." I was surprised, I wasn't sure if he was leaving because of Barba, but I couldn't imagine he truly would.

When he left I found myself turning my glass in my hands, wondering what was going on with him, when a voice interrupted my thoughts:

"Amaro left you here alone?" Barba sounded surprised.

I didn't want to talk about my partnership with Nick, "What did Efron say?"

"Oh that's funny." He sat down opposite me, "You know." He sounded more serious now, "I was surprised at your offer to supervise Renee."

"Well, she deserves a second chance to get her life back together." I was glad we were done joking, sometimes that seemed harder than staying serious, when I spoke to this man, "And if I can help her with that, then I will."

"It's still a big step." He drank a sip of his drink, "It seems like you're doing it all these days, solving crimes and then looking out for the victims."

"Well I've kind of done something like this before." I was staring into the glass, "It was more than a supervision, I was made the legal guardian of a young boy, by his mother." I looked up from the red liquid now, "She was a drug addict and...in a bad shape."

The memory of Vivian still tore at me. Even if our mothers hadn't been raped by the same man I felt like she was my sister. In her I had seen what could have become of me. There was the smallest of silences between us, before Barba carefully asked,

"What happened?"

_Not everyone can be helped, Olivia. Some of us are just too damaged._

"He lives with his grandparents now." _You deserve Calvin. That's what you want, isn't it? You wanna keep him. If you walk away right now, I promise you can have him. Calvin can be your little boy forever...I...I promise you, okay? Okay? Come on, Olivia, please. _"It was always only going to be temporary. I knew that." I finished my wine, "My point is, I can handle supervising Renee."

"I never doubted that you could."

He didn't ask me any more questions about Calvin and I didn't ask him about kids. The topic was too painful for me and I was sure too private for him. If the ADA had any children he wanted me to know about he would have mentioned them by now.

"Do you think Renee will make it?" He finally asked, as the silence between us had begun to bore him.

"There's not a doubt in my mind." I smiled, "She wants to start a self-help group for survivors on campus. I think she's going to be just fine."

I could tell there was something on his mind that he wasn't saying, so I directly asked, "What?"

He smiled now, because I could read him so easily and admitted: "It's just...you have this effect on victims, on _people_, to help them thrive and grow. You fix people."

"No I don't." I hadn't fixed Vivian. I hadn't been able to help Simon. Today a young woman had ended her life.

"Not all of them, obviously. But you...you make a _difference_ in the world, Detective. Don't ever forget that."

Parts of me wanted to disagree. Wanted to explain to him that it happened often that survivors of abuse went through a tremendous process of growing and healing.

But other parts of me wanted to just believe him, because he sounded so sincere. Despite everything, losing Calvin and Elliot, not helping Vivian, Simon and Lindsay, maybe I was somebody who made a difference. The faith Barba had in me felt good. I wanted to be this person for him.

"Thanks Counselor. You do realise you do the same thing though, right?"

"On a different level."

"So." I smiled, "Tell me about your fraternity days at Harvard."

"How about I just buy you another drink?"

I had to laugh now, "Who says you can't do both?"

He stood up to get another wine for me and as it always seemed to be the case, my mood was lighter, my smile bigger, than it had been before I'd spoken to him.

* * *

Guys, I am so so SO sorry it took me so long to update! I know reasons as to why one hasn't been writing always sound like excuses and are boring, so here it goes: I couldn't update, because I adopted a pet Elephant, called Kittens and a pet horse called Monkey. There has been a lot going on in my house, as you can imagine! Also I discovered I have an Evil Twin called HatingYourDoctor who has been getting me into a lot of trouble. But I sat her down and we talked, cried and hugged. She's taking care of Kittens and Monkey at the moment, so I have more time for you guys.

On a more serious note I love you people and your reviews and the fact that I am actually writing this fan-fiction for someone else beside myself. So please keep them coming :)

Booper Dooper: Thanks for the Request, but that's the wrong Season ;-)


	12. Traumatic Wound

**12\. Traumatic Wound (14x21)**

_Barba: You thought that Gabby'd been assaulted by a mob. It turns out the attack was orchestrated. The problem is...  
__Olivia: How to prove it, when Alec, Brit, and Jake are all in lockstep.  
__Barba: These three. The cotillion crew. They didn't touch Gabby?  
__Olivia: No, but they set the whole thing in motion. They took her to the club. And this one picked out the tube top that Gabby wore.  
__Barba: Even a New York grand jury won't indict for that. Unless One, two, three. We're looking at a conspiracy.  
__Amanda: What? To harass? To top shark?  
__Barba: You've separated these two groups out. I charge these six with aggravated sexual assault, - they're looking at 20 years.  
__Olivia: I see where you're going. So you're saying that their assault was foreseeable by the New Canaan kids.  
__Amanda: Okay, yeah, but that seems like a stretch. I mean, what, her friends just wanted to embarrass her.  
__Barba: By exposing her breasts to a bunch of drunk, aggressive men at a club? It's as foreseeable as a murder at an armed robbery, and we charge that all the time._

* * *

"I thought they were my friends." Gaby said sadly as she watched Alec, Brit and Jake be led out of the courtroom, "I trusted them."

And that trust had been betrayed and the pain it had released would take it's time to heal. I knew that and so did she, but nevertheless I had some comforting words for her,

"Well, if it makes a difference, a man who doesn't even know you went through a lot of trouble to help you."

This case was gnawing at me. Elliot had never hurt me in the same way that Gaby had been hurt, but after he had left I had found myself thinking the same things: I thought he had been my friend, my _best_ friend, in fact, had I been so wrong? I had trusted him.

She nodded and after she and her father had left, I walked to our ADA,

"Hey, good job Counselor."

"Thanks." It sounded like a sigh and I knew he felt tired after this case, it had been nerve wrecking and heartbreaking for him too.

"What was that book their lawyer gave to you?"

"All the Kings men." He replied swiftly, as he began putting his papers into his bag, "You know from the rhyme Humpty-Dumpty."

I understood and we began to walk to the the exit of the courtroom "A reference to Frank?"

"One that backfired." Barba held the door open for me to walk through, "Can I ask you something?"

"You usually do."

He smiled, but the seriousness in his eyes did not vanish, "Amaro and Rollins...did something happen between them?"

I found myself sighing. Even our ADA had noticed the tension in our squad room.

"They'll be ok. They had some issues...concerning Frank."

Barba smiled sadly, "Yeah, didn't we all."

The way Nick and Amanda had been arguing had reminded me so much of a younger version of myself and Elliot. It hurt to see them. I knew I had changed in the year I hadn't seen him and I was glad about these changes, but I missed him and it wasn't just the fact that Nick and Amanda reminded me of him and myself. It was also that I wondered how he would have reacted to this case, to Frank, to the kids...

"Are you ok Detective?"

_Does it ever get better?_ Gaby had asked me that and I'd told her she would be ok. I knew she would be. It was myself I was concerned about. When would missing Elliot stop?

"It such a sad case." I finally said, "You know normally you see the rapist and you just know _that's_ the bad guy..."

"Are you saying the New Caanan kids weren't the bad ones?"

"No they are. That's the sad part."

"I hear you."

We had reached the exit of the Courthouse and I was surprised to see that Gaby and her father were still here.

Mr. Shaw reached out to shake Barbas hand and thanked him.

"You're welcome." He was looking at Gaby when he said this and spoke softly. The young girl turned to me,

"I would like to tell him thank you, that security man, who helped me. Would you tell him that?"

"Yes, sure." I would tell Nick pass it on.

"We are going back to England." Mr. Shaw said to us now, "Just for a few weeks to get away from this mess. Goodbye, Detective, Counselor."

We said our goodbyes and as they left Barba sighed beside me,

"You know I could use a vacation right about now as well."

"Well how about a beer instead?"

He raised his eyebrows, amusement shining in his green eyes, "You know ever since I joined SVU I have been consuming a lot more alcohol than before."

I laughed loudly, "Come on, that's not true."

"Well I've been spending more time in bars.

"No that's not true either, you're just not alone there any more." I turned around to him, as he stood a few steps over me.

"No." He was smiling, as he looked down at me, "I guess I'm not."

There was a short moment, where we looked at each other and his smile caused one of my own to appear on my face also. But the moment ended when he began walking down the stairs and towards me.

"That was impressive by the way, how you understood the idea behind the conspiracy so quickly."

I felt a warm feeling inside my stomach at his words and answered: "No it wasn't." It wasn't that impressing him made me feel good, it was the fact that I had understood him when no one else had.

"Yeah you're right, it was pretty obvious."

I rolled my eyes as we made our way down the street to the nearest bar. It would get better. I just couldn't expect myself to get over a partnership that had lasted 12 years in 1 year. I needed more time. But as our new ADA held the door to the bar open for me with those excited blazing eyes, I realised that maybe I was closer to getting over Elliot than I had initially thought.

"After you Detective."

"Thank you Counselor."

Maybe I had found a new friend I could trust.

* * *

Andreyna Sousa: Thank you for your kind review! I wish there were more Barson fics out there too, but you can check out my favourite list on my Profile, you might find some stories you like there too! :)

Hey guys, it's been two days since I've last updated, so I guess it's safe to say I'm addicted :) Thank you for all your kind reviews!

And I realize I sound a bit arrogant, but I kinda love what I just wrote up there :D , what do you guys think?

Next up is "Her Negotiation " aka Best. Episode. Ever! :D :) And then it's off to Season 15 *yay*


	13. Her Negotiation

**13\. Her Negotiation (14x24)**

_Vanessa: You've been doing sex crimes for a very long time, and now you're projecting your anger at others onto an innocent man.  
Olivia: Innocent? Did you see the morgue photos of his last defence attorney?  
__Barba: Olivia.  
__Olivia: The one that he raped and tortured for 19 hours? She was also convinced of her lover's... - of her client's innocence.  
__Vanessa: Excuse me?  
__[...]  
Barba: We'll see you in court.  
__Barba: Lover? Client? Nice freudian slip.  
__Olivia: It wasn't.  
__Barba: I got that. It also means she's gonna fight like hell for him._

* * *

"Detective." Barba was suddenly standing at my desk, I hadn't even noticed him come inside, "Are you ok?"

"No." I admitted it to him, just as I had to Nick.

"Cragen told me, he gave you two days off."

"Yeah." I smiled grimly, "Lucky me."

"It might help you put your mind in a different place."

"I don't think so." The defeated sigh escaped my lips before I could stop it, "Doesn't it bother you? How Lewis can always get away with things? And just keep on hurting and killing these women without anyone to stop him?"

"We will stop him." He promised now, "He will make a mistake at some point."

"Yeah."

"And it does bother me, that's why I am headed for a bar right now, do you want to come?"

Even if I would never admit it a part of me was glad Cragen had ordered me to come home. I wanted some peace and quiet.

"No, I want to go home, I'll walk you out though."

As we left the squad room I found myself admitting, "I just wish the world would freeze for a moment, so that we could have some time to catch up with him and finally get him."

"I know what you mean."

When we were inside the elevator I said: "You called me Olivia today."

"Yeah." He was glad for the change of topic I could tell by how a small smile formed on his face, "It was kind of in the heat of the moment."

"I like it." Too late did I realise what I had just said, so I quickly added, "I was beginning to think you really thought my first name was Detective."

He laughed now, but did not offer me his first name, which was fine with me.

"Whose Yacht were you on that Sunday, by the way?" This question had been in the back of my head for a long time and now I finally felt like I could ask him.

"Mine." He said, "But I couldn't say that in front of the whole Squad or they'd expect me to invite them."

I raised my eyebrows now, "You have a Yacht?"

"No it was the DA's and it was so boring I seriously contemplated jumping off board, but the food was pretty good." He smiled now, "Don't tell Rollins, but I was actually glad she got me out of there."

"I won't."

When we reached the parking lot he said, "Are you sure you don't want to come along?"

I looked into his questioning, dare I say begging, eyes and thought about doing it. Forgetting all about Lewis and the stress and grief he had caused me and just spend another evening with Barba. It was funny how we had become friends. When I thought back to when we had first met I never would have thought we would reach this point where we were this team inside a team. I could hang out with Fin in Bars, talk to Nick about my mother and be there for Amanda, when she needed me. And of course there were John and Cragen, who felt like a brother and a father to me. Yet, my friendship with Barba was something unique, because he couldn't hang out with the others like I could. He was dependant on me and that made me feel good.

"No, I just want a quiet night at home."

Just because something felt good, didn't mean that it was good.

He didn't look happy, "I'll pay for your drinks."

"I'm a big girl Counsellor, I'll be alright. I'll be back to new in two days. It's amazing what sleep can do. I promise you: the next time you see me I'll be a whole different person."

Barba smiled, "Alright, I won't ask you a third time. Goodnight, De- Olivia."

The smiles this man brought to my face were beginning to get embarrassing, "Night Barba."

When I entered the flat, Lewis was far from my mind. I would have a peaceful evening and yet part of me regretted not having gone with Barba. We had a way of distracting one another from horrible cases, of communicating without many words. It would have done me good.

A sound from the living room made me turn around,

"Hello?"

"Welcome home, Detective Benson." There he stood, his gun was pointing at me. And just like that my entire world froze.

* * *

I love this episode. Next up is one last chapter, a small extra for you guys ;-) Thanks for all your reviews and messages, as always they are very encouraging and helpful. Tell me what you think of this chapter please! :)

Andreyna Sousa: Thank you for your review :)


	14. Extra

**14\. Extra**

* * *

Hey guys :) So, I miscalculated and thought Barba was also in "Deadly Ambition" I was super happy about having 14 chapters for season 14 and then realised I only had 13 :(  
So here is my treat to you guys, a little extra from Barba's POV after his first case at SVU =)

* * *

_Barba (when spotting Amanda and Olivia by Harris' side): Captain. Take your daughters to work day? _

_Harris: Detectives Benson and Rollins, Rafael Barba. I lied and told them you know your way around a courtroom._

* * *

Harris was already at the bar, when I arrived. He was drinking red wine and once I sat down he said,

"Rafael, what took you so long?"

"I ran into Detective Benson, we had a...chat." I held out my hand to the waiter, "A scotch please."

"Coming right up, sir."

"Ah yes." He shifted in his seat, "Detective Benson."

I wasn't entirely sure what he meant by this statement, as it was very empty in itself, but decided not to ponder.

"What do you think of her?"

Instead it was Captain Harris who did the digging. I had to smile, because he was asking me the same question I had surprised her with.

"She's...dedicated, compassionate..._stubborn_." The waiter brought me my drink and I thanked him, "She's a good Detective."

"I told her she could be the commanding officer of her squad." Harris said and nodded in agreement, "And I meant it."

I obviously didn't know the woman well enough to comment on that. But I knew there was something about her that caused me to like her instantly. Maybe it was the way she worked with the victims, steadfast, yet gentle in her tone. Or the way her hair seemed to fall perfectly no matter what she did?

"What can you tell me about her?" I hoped he would believe this question was only professional, which it was, after all I would be working with this woman from now on.

Captain Harries, however was one to gossip, he leaned forward with a light blazing in his eyes,

"Have you ever heard of her former partner?"

As I hadn't known her since this afternoon I shook my head no.

"Rafael! Where have you been? Everyone knows about Benson and Stabler!" He drank a sip of his wine and then continued, "The two of them were partners together for 12 years, right? You and I both know that's a long time for any kind relationship to last. Anyway, there was this shooting in the precinct – you've heard of that, haven't you?" I didn't have the chance to comment on that, for he continued, "Stabler was the one to kill the shooter – a 16-year-old girl, or maybe she was 17. She was very young and it was tragic."

"And then he stopped." I was getting bored with this story, "I know."

"No. You don't know. He didn't just _stop_. Rumour has it, he never spoke to Benson again. Not one word. He handed in his papers and..." He snapped his fingers, "Just like that he was out of her life, never to return again."

That was horrible. If it was true.

"Can you imagine? After _twelve_ years...I heard some guy saying she cried over him, but he didn't exactly _see_ her cry. He only saw her leave her captains office and hurry from the squad room." He finished his wine, but I found myself staring into my scotch, unable to drink it.

"And what was this...Stabler like?"

"He was a total ass. He was known for his temper outbursts. Apparently he would attack some of the perps there and then to. It's surprising Benson managed to work with him for as long as she did."

But there must have been something about him that caused her to stick by him for 12 years.

"I mean, he was a good cop, don't get me wrong. It's just from what I've heard Benson was the only one who was able to work with him. That just makes the entire thing more tragic."

I thought back to the woman I had met today. She had been steadfast, good at her job and seemed so strong. I couldn't picture her being weak or sad or crying. But she must have been hurt.

"He hasn't contacted her? Until today?"

"Nope." He set his wine down, "What's up Rafi? You've barely touched your drink."

I picked up my glass at his words, but didn't know what to answer to his question. Fortunately I was saved from doing so, for Harris suddenly said,

"Ah, look who it is. Your new team."

I wasn't entirely sure if 'my' team was the correct term, but in came Benson and Amaro, Fin and Rollins and Munch followed closely behind. They were talking loudly and excitedly. It was clear that whatever tension had been between them, had dissolved. They all laughed when they reached the bar and I could see Benson grinning at Amaro, who was touching her arm gently. He went ahead to the bar and Harris and I watched in silence as he brought her a drink.

"That's her new partner." The captain explained quietly, "I think he helped her...you know_ 'get over'_ Stabler."

The sarcasm did not go unnoticed by me. Benson turned around then and caught my eye. She smiled brightly and I found myself staring at her, like a speechless idiot, but there wasn't much I could say into this distance between us anyway. When she raised her glass I did so too, and finally began drinking my Scotch.

It was the second time that day, the first time had been after hearing Caine pronounced guilty, that I felt a strong relief surge through me. Transferring had been a good decision. Working with Detective Olivia Benson would be worthwhile, I could tell.

* * *

That was it. I hope you enjoyed the reading as much as I enjoyed the writing. I'd be lying if I said I'm looking forward to Season 15, because with all honesty, guys I am dying to get a go at Season 16, because I love love love LOVE Noah more than any other character. Barba, Noah and Benson together is what makes me happy, so lets look forward to that!

But first I'll be writing Season15, which has it's own highlights as well. I hope I'll see you guys back then :)

Oh and please tell me what you thought of this Extra and the change of views ;-) I'd really love for Barba and Stabler to meet sometime, I have a feeling they wouldn't get along, any thoughts on that?


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